Top 5 Reasons Why I Love Airborne

I don’t usually get sick. But this year is an exception. Per a friend’s suggestion (Shaun) I decided to try out Airborne, the cure for the common cold, according to their controversial ads.

Here’s the convo between Kate and I that changed my life forever.

“Allright, come on, let’s go.” said Kate as she headed towards the front of the Walgreens.

“Wait! I’m getting sick, I need to get some of this Airborne stuff.” I say.

“Whaaaaaaaaaat?” says Kate, incredulously staring at me, like I decided to buy snake oil off the back of a pick up truck in the hills of WV in the 20s.

“It’s GOOD! Shaun told me he uses it! It’s supposed to kill the cold…. before the cold kills you!” I cry.

“Well, if Shaun rode a dirt bike across a fleet of school buses…. would you… don’t answer that.”

“You know I would, anything with dirtbikes is good. And I can’t eat a dirtbike to cure my cold, so Airborne’s just as good.”

So, without further ado, I give you my  5 reasons I love Airborne.

1. Their commercials are crap.

There’s nothing I like more than claims that putting a bunch of vitamins in my body will make me stronger and faster. Add a cartoon of a regular guy on a plane, too busy to bother with those pills, and other traditional forms of taking medicine and I’m hooked.

2. They come in a capsule package similar to cyanide capsules that they give astronauts in case anything goes wrong.

Nothing says living on the edge more than plopping one of these space-fizzers into a Dixie cup of hot water and burning the roof of your mouth to feel the fizzy goodness whilst staring at the capsule container like it’s a bomb that’s about to go off in your hand. I digress, but they are very space age. They come in a container that looks like it’s snake venom antidote, which makes it more awesome than normal.

3. They fizz like crazy and don’t taste like the barrel of a gun.

Let’s face it, most things that fizz and are medicine and are “good for you” have iron in them and taste like the back of a riot gear shield. These do not. With flavors like “zesty orange” and “limey limerick lime” they put the flavor back in getting well.

4. They were invented by a school teacher.

I don’t know about you guys but I feel that teachers are the backbone of this country. Add to that, that this woman was a second grade teacher, and I happen to think that there’s nothing that a second grade teacher could ever do wrong.

5. They’re called what they are trying to prevent.

They are called Airborne, as in airborne bacteria, as in flesh eating bacteria as in crazy mad scary. Since when did you take a medicine that was called what it was trying to prevent?? You haven’t, because it’s hyper cool.

Honey, have you seen the Chest Congestion Cocktail? What about the Migraineium? No? See?? The only thing that foots the bill is Airborne.

Note: This post is NOT sponsored by Airborne, nor is an ad for Airborne.